Ladies and Gentlemen:
I am proud to announce DeathWatch2009.
Here, mixed in with FAQ, are the rules:
WHAT DO I DO? Come up with 20 famous people who you believe will die this year. Send me the list (now) and ten U.S. dollars (later) for each entry. We can hook this up through PayPal or U.S. Mail. Send your list along with a code name, unless you want your real name splashed on the website of sick bastards who bet on the deaths of celebs.
WHO IS FAMOUS? The three-person Board of Deathmasters will review each list. A 2/3 majority must recognize either the name or achievement for the person to qualify as famous. For instance, Tiger Woods is famous enough on name recognition. On the other hand, while we may not all know the name 'Isabel Sanford,' we all certainly know who 'Weezy' from The Jeffersons was, so she would also have been a legitimate pick (were she not already dead.)
NOTE THAT LAST YEAR THE RULES CHANGED!! DUE TO PAST CONTROVERSY, AND TO KEEP IT LIGHT AND FUN, WE ARE ELIMINATING MIDDLE EASTERN POLITICAL AND MILITARY FIGURES FROM THIS GAME. WE ARE ALSO ELIMINATING UNFAMOUS CHILDREN OF CELEBS WHO ARE FIVE OR UNDER (e.g. Suri Cruise)!! People were starting to load up their lists with these type of folk, and the game was heading off in the wrong direction. (I can't believe I'm actually adding more RULES to a game that predicts people's DEATHS. Oh well.)
So, please try to stick to the spirit of the game, and let's try to make 2009 a DeathWatch of world-famous, easily known and recognizable individuals. So, while some political figures are famous enough to choose, we're trying to avoid obscurity and promote instant recognition. And we're not counting infants and toddlers as celebs. If you have questions, please address them to me via email.
If a person is not deemed famous enough, you will get a chance to replace that name with no penalty. You should confirm that the person is ALIVE to begin with (we won't be checking that), otherwise you will have wasted a slot on someone who likely won't die a SECOND time in '09. (If you're careless enough to pick someone who is already dead, we won't let you replace that person...instead we'll make fun of you all year.) The celeb has to be a non-fictional living human being (you can't pick Captain Jack Sparrow, nor Bender, nor the Monkey from "Monkey Trouble" nor Optimus Prime (who, by the way, died of prostate cancer and transformed into his own coffin!) )
WHO IS ALIVE ENOUGH TO PICK? You can't choose someone who is comatose/vegetative at the time of selection (past e.g. Ariel Sharon, Terry "Hawaii" Schaivo). You may choose someone who is widely known to be ill, as long as that person is in a sentient condition. You CAN choose someone who is scheduled to die, but you will only get credit if that person dies of some OTHER METHOD OTHER THAN THAT SCHEDULED. To clarify, Jeffrey Dahmer was allowed to be picked, but you'd only score points for him if he, say, was murdered in prison before his scheduled death, which he was. Another example: Sadaam Hussein was convicted, sentenced to die, then executed all in the same year--so the person who picked him got the points, because Hussein was not scheduled to die at the start of the year. Get it?
WHAT IS DEATH? Just to be clear, only ACTUAL pulselessness will count as death. If they're on LIFE support even though brain dead, they are still ALIVE for purposes of this contest. You can thank the ultra-conservatives for not allowing people to slip away with dignity. This is a friendly reminder to get a living will drawn up.
HOW DO YOU SCORE? One hundred minus the age at death is your score for each person. People ninety-nine years or older will always count for one point. No negative points are possible. Double points are awarded for a suicide, and before you ask, we're talking about a note-leaving suicide, not a drug overdose, etc. For example: You choose an 80-year old man, he commits suicide, you get 20 points X 2 = 40 points.
WINNING AND TIEBREAKING: The person with the most points as of February 2nd, 2010 wins all the money. (The last death that will count is one that happens before 11:59:59 PM on February 1st, 2010, though we wait a week to make sure that all obscure celeb deaths get reported before awarding the cash.) In the event of a tie, the player involved in the tie who has the largest single score wins (on rationale that the younger a person is, the harder it is to predict that death). In the event that there is still a tie, the person with the MOST death predictions wins . If there is still a tie after that, we'll split the pot.
DUE DATE? Now through February 1st. The game is locked on February 2, 2009. If you send me a list today and someone on it dies, you don't get credit for this game, because someone is getting credit for DW2K8 for that name. Although you won't get credit, you will get to replace that name with no hassle.
RESOURCES: DeathWatch2009 officially uses http://www.whosaliveandwhosdead.com/ as a resource for both generating lists and checking life status. If you read an obit of an obscure celeb (Whitman Mayo, 'Grady' from Sanford and Son comes to mind as an obscure one that trickled in late) please forward it on to me. Kerberos, Badass, Joe and I will be generating a list of everyone's current scores.
DISQUALIFICATION: Any attempt to CAUSE the death of a celebrity (either directly or through a conspiracy) will be be grounds for immediate disqualification, and the player will be turned in to the proper authorities. Attempting to have strenuous sex with a celebrity on your list may be construed as an attempt on their life, especially if you have a disease or if the celebrity is frail. Good luck!
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