Michael Jackson post(s) coming...

Sweet MOSES, Michael Jackson is DEAD.
There is a lot to Say, Say, Say...but not enough time to write it today.
There may be multiple stories here this weekend, so stay tuned!

Celebs are dropping like pianos and safes out of high-rise buildings!

Also, Death Knell Belle is absolutely RAPING the competition, with 88 points in a single day--a DW all-time record. Scores and deathlists are all updated.
--Grim

Death Calls Plumber, Finally Turns Off Leaky Fawcett

Come on--the "Angels" reference was too easy, right? My only other option was something about a curse on the cast of The Cannonball Run (though the real curse is all the lousy crap Burt Reynolds subjected us to afterward--"Evening Shade" anyone?)

Farrah Fawcett died today at age 62 after a battle with several cancers that were derived from anal cancer.

There might be more to write here, had she done more than a poster shoot in the mid-70s and star for one season as Jill Munroe on Charlie's Angels. (TV movies-of-the-week don't count--Burning Bed I'm looking at you, here.)

SIX DeathWatchers predicted this "end" for Farrah, and get 38 points: The Oracle, The Crippler, Death Knell Belle, Defending champ Thanatos Therapeuticus, BadAssDan , and me--The Grim Reaper.

I always thought Cheryl Ladd was hotter anyway.

Ed McMahon of Hollywood, California, You May Already Be a Winner Corpse!

(Scene from a hospital room June 22, 2009)
Doctor: Mr. McMahon, I'm sorry to tell you that you don't have much time left.
Ed: YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!
Doctor: No seriously, man, you're going to die, probably tonight.
Ed: DO TELL, O' EXALTED ONE! (Guffaws in an exaggerated manner for 10 seconds)
Doctor: Clearly, I'm not getting through to you. (walks out)
Ed: HEYYYYYYY-OOOOOO! (dies of unknown semi-natural causes)

Television legend Ed McMahon died today, following suit only a few short months after his dignity.

Co-host of Johnny Carson's The Tonight Show for 30 years from 1962-1992, Ed McMahon was the best-known sidekick in history. Unfortunately, McMahon would live long enough to squander both his star power capital (making Star Search and TV Bloopers and Practical Jokes) and his actual capital (having his house foreclosed on in recent years).

One is left to wonder if the widow of the man who inspired "Weird" Al Yankovic's "Here's Johnny"* will collect on one of those low-cost Colonial Penn Life Insurance Policies? Well, if not, at least Cash4Gold has her covered and will buy all of his fillings.

Unbelievably, no DW2K9ers "Carnac"ed his death, and 2009 remains a scoreless tie. Everybody tip back a can of "The King of Beers" for Big Ed tonight.

*Hat tip to SuicideByDouche for the reminder on the song!

Hung Fu: The Legend...Ends?

Actor David Carradine was found DEAD in a Bangkok hotel room today, and reports have said the actor/martial artist may have hung himself in a closet (perhaps with one of his black belts?)

When not busy starring in Hollywood movies as a supercool martial arts expert (the WHITEST Asian man EVER,) Carradine kept his pimp hand strong, marrying and divorcing five bitches in his spare time.

Investigators are searching for signs of foul play, but Pai Mei's Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique may not be traceable even by the most experienced forensic scientists.

DeathWatchers missed out on a rare DOUBLE SUICIDE BONUS (pending investigation), and could have earned 56 points on the depressed 72-year-old grasshopper.

Danny Gans! One night only! LIVE DEAD in Las Vegas!

It appears as though the overly-white-smile-flashing, cringe-worthy-performance-giving, frat-boy-looking tool Danny Gans has died the way he became famous--for no apparent reason at all.

When not sitting around counting his ill-gotten gains and flossing his fake chompers with his thread-thin penis, Gans liked to waste energy and millions of gallons of water sprinkling the grounds of his lavish homoerotic whites-only ranch in the middle of the freaking desert.

Now, I'm a great writer. Perhaps one of the best in history. But I'll use the words of another, Cintra Wilson's assessment of Gans 10 years ago (from salon.com,)to describe Gans:

Billed as "The Man of Many Voices," he couldn't have better word-of-mouth in town; Laotian cab drivers, unsolicited, gush over him. At poolside, fat, mustachioed and wealthy Texas drunks will go out of their way to sing his praises, apropos of nothing. He is called "incredible." He is actually, we discovered, the most hateful human being ever to have a dog-like and hooting audience full of tasteless, beer-powered, sentimental bigot Dipshits for Jesus.
...
Danny Gans is human filth. His show contained some of the worst, most militantly puerile, good ol' boy racist and homophobic hack material I have ever heard, not to mention the most seamlessly unidentifiable and all-alike-sounding group of vocal impressions ever assembled by a single venal abortion of a performer.


Screw you, Danny. Screw you and your orange skin and your fake crowns and your dyed jet-black rug hair. And screw you for being a talentless hack with less edge than a raquetball.

Nobody chose Gans this year, because this is a death pool for FAMOUS people.

And Then There's Dead

Former Golden Girl Bea Arthur died Saturday at the age of 86. Remembered fondly for that 80s sitcom, Arthur was also an accomplished stage actress, winning acclaim in such Broadway smashes as Three-Penny Opera, Fiddler on the Roof and Mame.

Arthur became a super-star with her lead role in the ground-breaking 70s sitcom Maude. Her character, Maude Findley was a feminist who broke many TV taboos, such as when her character had an abortion, when she anally violated her husband Walter with a strap-on and when she smeared menstrual blood on her face and assaulted New York mayor Abe Beame with a spear.

Arthur won an Emmy and a Golden Globe for her work on Maude. She will be missed by all the lame Comedy Central Roast comedians who made stupid, easy jokes about her masculine looks.

Amazingly, no DW2K9 players picked Ms. Arthur.

CURRENT SCORES

LAST EDIT 12/15/2009: Oral Roberts
1. The Crippler 177
2. Thanatos Therap. 147*
3. Death Knell Belle 131
4. The Oracle 124
5. Grim Reaper 107
6. Miss of Death 74
7. Le Chowd 66
7. Kerberos 66
7. Wednesday 66
7. Deady Money 66
11. BadAss Dan 61

TWO COMPLETE LOSERS CURRENTLY TIED AT ZERO!
12. Serpent/Wisdom 0
12. The Shadow 0

*Most recent scorer