Aliens Finally Come for Jackson

The alien overlords who placed Michael Jackson on our planet have returned after fifty years to bring him home to planet Altair VI.

Jackson's time on our planet is, Altairian sources say, considered something of a failure, as he did not succeed in blending in to study our human ways. The overlords were highly disappointed to learn that Jackson had made such a spectacle of himself and immediately terminated his mission and began the extraction process.

Reportedly, the extraction involves removing the agent from his shell body and containing the agent's energy in a bejeweled pouch which is then easily shipped home to Altair VI.

At press time, it was unknown if the Altairians were replacing Jackson with another agent, although some in the media have speculated that the replacement agent is already on-planet and is, in fact, Dakota Fanning.